<p>I am beyond overwhlemed. We had hoped that my mom would be released from the hospital tomorrow. In all fairness, I didn't really expect it though. They are going to try to use her g tube tonight. This will be the first attempt since she had it put in last Monday. She has had several set backs. When she is released it will be to a skilled nursing facility. But they are having difficulty finding one within the county where we live that will take her (due to the severity of her health care needs). My dad stays with her every night at the hospital. You can see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes. They have been together since they were in their early teens. Its just so sad. I was telling the lady at the front desk about them this morning and started to cry. I hate crying so I didn't bother to tell her about all the many complications that we have experienced these past couple of weeks.</p>
<p>The day we left to come to Sacramento for mom's appointment was the start of many things that could go wrong and did. We dropped a key to our house of with a friend. I scraped my Jeep on their fence while backing out of their driveway. I seriously wanted to scream. I try so hard to it looking nice. Now the scrape seems like such a small issue. The other day I was driving down Fulton Ave (still in Sacramento, long way from home) and my driver's side front tire locked up. I managed to squeal my way into a nearby parking lot. The tire marks on the road show my short path. The bolts had came out of my caliper. Now my wheel and tire need replaced. Did I mention that I had already messed up my bank account before my paycheck direct deposited? Yep, I really messed it up. I can't afford a wheel or yet another tire! But I am thankful that the wheel didn't lock up just a bit earlier when I was on the freeway AND that I have a job, therefore a paycheck to be direct deposited. However, I am currently on a Family Medical Leave to help take care of my mom. I am thankful for the leave, but concerned. I am concerned because you only get 55% of your income on leave. Maybe scared is more accurate than concerned. I already wasn't bringing home enough to cover our bills and multiple expenses on the Jeep.
I have prayed and prayed but still am not sure what I'm suppose to do. We have missed a week of meetings. It feels like a year. We brought our book bags. The boys didn't bring there suits though. We went to Thrift Town this morning for meeting clothes. I spent way more than I could afford. Everyone now has something fairly nice to wear to meeting. Now we just need to find the closest Hall. (Has to be close - we are driving on a donut tire). I need to make it to a meeting. I am certain I will then find my center, my inner peace. I could then begin to process all that is happening, what my role is and how to proceed.
I am used to having a plan, and a plan b. I am goal driven and generally have a knack for rolling with the punches. But now my head is spinning. My heart is racing from the time I open my eyes each morning, so confused, so tired. Lost.
