PLEASE, if you have a blog, a Facebook, Twitter- whatever- PLEASE repost. Please print. Please HELP. If you need this in another format please contact me. If you have seen Libby please contact her mom, Katie (530) 921-9805.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
"Don't Play The Victim"
Every once in awhile someone says something that lingers in my thoughts. It bounces around from agreement, to confusion, disagreement, or simply unsure. I spend countless minutes dissecting the intent of the comment. Do I agree with the intent it was meant? Or, perhaps I do agree, but with my own spin.
Every once in awhile, I just get right to the point. ☺ Yesterday we were at a local elementary school 6th grade class. We were there for a S.A.Y. part One presentation. After the presentations we had the opportunity to visit with the teacher. We also heard her "follow up" to the presentation to her class.
She shared with us (and her class) her memories of being teased in school. As a result she has very strong emotions about the subject. Her words of wisdom to her class was what she admits is what she tells her own children. "Don't play the victim". I thought I understood her point. I even discussed it a bit with her. It is important not to own that role no matter how forcefully or frequently it is thrust at you. To that extent, I agree. That was yesterday.
Since then the comment has laid residence in my thoughts. While driving, working, various other activities, I stop and ponder it yet again. What is it that I am finding so objectionable? I thought of Dave's book, The "R" Word. In his book, he asks those who had been bullied, why they were bullied. I don't remember the exact responses. I do remember that each of them took responsibility for the act. "Because I am fat" or "I get teased because I wear glasses". Dave is quick to correct such thinking. No! You are bullied because people are mean! The basic idea was that their weight or disability didn't cause someone to become a bully.
I know the teacher meant well. I truly think that the majority of us to the best we can with the tools we possess. That would be in our professions, are parenting, life in general. I assume that her children and her students know her well enough to recognize her beautiful intent. I, personally, feel too much is put on the bullied already.
Bystanders- man up! There are for more of you than bullies, victims, or teachers!!! We need to give the kids the tools, and the courage to be allies. Let's instill integrity. Teach them to be a voice for those not yet strong enough to find their own. Coach them in building up their peers and standing up for what is right. Assist them in recognizing those with harmful intent and not feeding their negative behaviors. Be a role model.
However, I do give a great big Kudos to the teacher for addressing the subject. She is at least making it a discussion. She does not have the attitude that bullying and teasing is simply part of growing up. The idea of watching someone struggle because you are unsure of the "tools" to use is unacceptable. Do your best. That is all we expect from our kids. That is all that they expect from us too.
Every once in awhile, I just get right to the point. ☺ Yesterday we were at a local elementary school 6th grade class. We were there for a S.A.Y. part One presentation. After the presentations we had the opportunity to visit with the teacher. We also heard her "follow up" to the presentation to her class.
She shared with us (and her class) her memories of being teased in school. As a result she has very strong emotions about the subject. Her words of wisdom to her class was what she admits is what she tells her own children. "Don't play the victim". I thought I understood her point. I even discussed it a bit with her. It is important not to own that role no matter how forcefully or frequently it is thrust at you. To that extent, I agree. That was yesterday.
Since then the comment has laid residence in my thoughts. While driving, working, various other activities, I stop and ponder it yet again. What is it that I am finding so objectionable? I thought of Dave's book, The "R" Word. In his book, he asks those who had been bullied, why they were bullied. I don't remember the exact responses. I do remember that each of them took responsibility for the act. "Because I am fat" or "I get teased because I wear glasses". Dave is quick to correct such thinking. No! You are bullied because people are mean! The basic idea was that their weight or disability didn't cause someone to become a bully.
I know the teacher meant well. I truly think that the majority of us to the best we can with the tools we possess. That would be in our professions, are parenting, life in general. I assume that her children and her students know her well enough to recognize her beautiful intent. I, personally, feel too much is put on the bullied already.
Bystanders- man up! There are for more of you than bullies, victims, or teachers!!! We need to give the kids the tools, and the courage to be allies. Let's instill integrity. Teach them to be a voice for those not yet strong enough to find their own. Coach them in building up their peers and standing up for what is right. Assist them in recognizing those with harmful intent and not feeding their negative behaviors. Be a role model.
However, I do give a great big Kudos to the teacher for addressing the subject. She is at least making it a discussion. She does not have the attitude that bullying and teasing is simply part of growing up. The idea of watching someone struggle because you are unsure of the "tools" to use is unacceptable. Do your best. That is all we expect from our kids. That is all that they expect from us too.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Words
Recently the S.A.Y. short film was featured at the Focus Film Festival in Chico. It was then also on Dave Hingsburger blog. Both were an incredible honor. The S.A.Y. presentations and the video are concluded with he Pledge of Personal Power by Dave Hingsburger.
Dave's blog's always has several comments. One of the commenters had objected to my releasing the video without having captions. I must admit my first reaction was hurt and perhaps irritation. I had just read comments praising Dave for inspiring us and no doubt many others, and comments praising the video, the SA.Y. program, etc. I was caught up in good feelings, gratitude for Dave, the S.A.Y. speakers, all those who make S.A.Y. great. The negative comment caught me off guard. I gave it some thought, read it several times, then replied.
After I had read it with the intention of truly understanding her point of view, I changed mine. It wasn't a negative comment. Can we really be offended because someone else is offended? Are we entitled to be hurt because someone has confided that they were hurt? Neither is even reasonable. I applied some of what I teach. It is peace we seek, not the desire to be right.
Besides, I have been working on captions for our various videos. I am horrible at it. But I am continuing to work on it. All of our videos (online and in our presentations) will eventually have captions. My reply assured her of all of that.
THEN, she thanked me. She also suggested that I supply transcripts of the videos in the meantime. It was her comment that a transcript will assist both those with hearing and sight impairments. Wow. Not only is that awesome, I hadn't thought of transcripts. But it also triggered me thinking of other agencies that might help. Those who don't suck at it as I do!!! So here, on my blog is a great big "Thank You, Andrea S." Her words may have been initially harsh, but so worth the outcome.
Dave's blog's always has several comments. One of the commenters had objected to my releasing the video without having captions. I must admit my first reaction was hurt and perhaps irritation. I had just read comments praising Dave for inspiring us and no doubt many others, and comments praising the video, the SA.Y. program, etc. I was caught up in good feelings, gratitude for Dave, the S.A.Y. speakers, all those who make S.A.Y. great. The negative comment caught me off guard. I gave it some thought, read it several times, then replied.
After I had read it with the intention of truly understanding her point of view, I changed mine. It wasn't a negative comment. Can we really be offended because someone else is offended? Are we entitled to be hurt because someone has confided that they were hurt? Neither is even reasonable. I applied some of what I teach. It is peace we seek, not the desire to be right.
Besides, I have been working on captions for our various videos. I am horrible at it. But I am continuing to work on it. All of our videos (online and in our presentations) will eventually have captions. My reply assured her of all of that.
THEN, she thanked me. She also suggested that I supply transcripts of the videos in the meantime. It was her comment that a transcript will assist both those with hearing and sight impairments. Wow. Not only is that awesome, I hadn't thought of transcripts. But it also triggered me thinking of other agencies that might help. Those who don't suck at it as I do!!! So here, on my blog is a great big "Thank You, Andrea S." Her words may have been initially harsh, but so worth the outcome.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Responsibility starts with me, starts with you...
I really need to decide if I am going to blog as I begin my day, or as it ends. Maybe if I commit to one or the other I will get more consistent. I have a very busy day ahead of me. It starts with three presentations in Red Bluff. Let me correct that it starts with going to my office in Redding, where I have left my projector. I realized it as I desperately tried to fall asleep oh so few hours ago.
I have decided to make this blog primarily about bullying and various disabilities. There is no doubt that bullying has escalated in occurrences and severity over the last several years. It probably isn't surprising either, that numbers are much higher for those with disabilities.
Whose responsibility is it? The schools? The parents? The community? Does it matter? Obviously there more that step up to the plate the better. However, the ones with the most influence to make a difference is their peers. The majority of kids are not bullies. They are bystanders. If those kids are given the tools to be "allies", they would have the power not to allow bullying behavior in their schools, or in their communities. Imagine what that could do for those kids as they grow up. I can think of many adults who do not have the skills to set expectations of how they will be treated by their peers. Also, the bullies- let them while they are young the adverse effects by their peers of their bad behavior. Powerful.
I have decided to make this blog primarily about bullying and various disabilities. There is no doubt that bullying has escalated in occurrences and severity over the last several years. It probably isn't surprising either, that numbers are much higher for those with disabilities.
Whose responsibility is it? The schools? The parents? The community? Does it matter? Obviously there more that step up to the plate the better. However, the ones with the most influence to make a difference is their peers. The majority of kids are not bullies. They are bystanders. If those kids are given the tools to be "allies", they would have the power not to allow bullying behavior in their schools, or in their communities. Imagine what that could do for those kids as they grow up. I can think of many adults who do not have the skills to set expectations of how they will be treated by their peers. Also, the bullies- let them while they are young the adverse effects by their peers of their bad behavior. Powerful.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
So Proud
So many exciting things have been happening for the S.A.Y. project. Most recently the S.A.Y. short film was featured at the Focus Film Festival in Chico last week. Three of our five current speakers, and one former speaker where present to answer questions from the audience. I can't even describe how proud I was.
Speaking of feeling oh so proud. Two of my sons, Benjamin and Sydney (17 and 14 years old) have really shown their beautiful character in various events. Both of them spent 11 hours at the Festival ready to help with any task brought to them. Then two days later the gave up their Saturday afternoon to volunteer to D.J. a fundraiser dance. At the end of this month they will be volunteers for a Toastmasters conference. They are so amazing. Benjamin was appointed today as chair of the Tehama County Focus Film Festival Committee by the Tehama County Coordinating Council for the Developmentally Disabled.
Here I sit, the end of the day, exhausted. But look its well worth it. I have the most incredible job, the most incredible co-workers, employees and boss. Best of all I have the absolutely most incredible family, especially my three babies.
Speaking of feeling oh so proud. Two of my sons, Benjamin and Sydney (17 and 14 years old) have really shown their beautiful character in various events. Both of them spent 11 hours at the Festival ready to help with any task brought to them. Then two days later the gave up their Saturday afternoon to volunteer to D.J. a fundraiser dance. At the end of this month they will be volunteers for a Toastmasters conference. They are so amazing. Benjamin was appointed today as chair of the Tehama County Focus Film Festival Committee by the Tehama County Coordinating Council for the Developmentally Disabled.
Here I sit, the end of the day, exhausted. But look its well worth it. I have the most incredible job, the most incredible co-workers, employees and boss. Best of all I have the absolutely most incredible family, especially my three babies.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Bullies are People Too
I must admit on a personal level I struggle a bit with this one. Having a bad day, or even a rough life does not give anyone a free pass to be mean to others. However, it may explain why some do. I believe some people have perfectly beautiful lives and choose to be mean to others anyway. Those people are eventually either weeded out of society or become politicians. Or maybe not. ☺
People's actions and reactions are generally based on survival or the perceived need to promote survival in that situation. Poor home lives, including but not limited to physical and other abuse, could cause one to feel so low about themselves that they have an inner need to make others even lower. It is their way of allowing themselves to feel some sense power or self worth. The need for both is universal and vital. The ways to achieve these perhaps should be discussed more. We tell people "Don't be a bully", "be nice to others", and to "treat other people how you want to be treated". That's great if you are at a place emotionally that you can do that. How do you pick yourself up when beaten down? How do you see yourself as valuable when life has told you otherwise?
The role of the ally is discussed in detail in the S.A.Y. presentations. Many ways to deflect a bullying situation or to assist the victim is talked about. How about more tools for the bully to fulfill their inner needs without being a bully? We obviously do not want to promote feeding negative behavior. Creating a distraction is often one of the suggestions for an ally to aid a victim and distract the bully. This tool would actually benefit both the victim and the bully. I am sure there are many more tools to be unearthed. Most of these tools need to be utilized when not in a bullying situation. Give those at risk of behaving as a bully their tools before they fall into the bully role.
It is still the students that have most of the power here. They are in the best position to make a difference for the bullies, the victims, their schools, and really their communities. As we have learned through our research, and reminded in our presentations, out of every ten people their is generally one bully and one victim. That leaves eight possible allies. That is more allies than there are teachers, principals, or anyone else! The answer obviously lies with the allies.
I think I will leave some of this to discuss in my next blog post... my wheels are definitely turning ☺
People's actions and reactions are generally based on survival or the perceived need to promote survival in that situation. Poor home lives, including but not limited to physical and other abuse, could cause one to feel so low about themselves that they have an inner need to make others even lower. It is their way of allowing themselves to feel some sense power or self worth. The need for both is universal and vital. The ways to achieve these perhaps should be discussed more. We tell people "Don't be a bully", "be nice to others", and to "treat other people how you want to be treated". That's great if you are at a place emotionally that you can do that. How do you pick yourself up when beaten down? How do you see yourself as valuable when life has told you otherwise?
The role of the ally is discussed in detail in the S.A.Y. presentations. Many ways to deflect a bullying situation or to assist the victim is talked about. How about more tools for the bully to fulfill their inner needs without being a bully? We obviously do not want to promote feeding negative behavior. Creating a distraction is often one of the suggestions for an ally to aid a victim and distract the bully. This tool would actually benefit both the victim and the bully. I am sure there are many more tools to be unearthed. Most of these tools need to be utilized when not in a bullying situation. Give those at risk of behaving as a bully their tools before they fall into the bully role.
It is still the students that have most of the power here. They are in the best position to make a difference for the bullies, the victims, their schools, and really their communities. As we have learned through our research, and reminded in our presentations, out of every ten people their is generally one bully and one victim. That leaves eight possible allies. That is more allies than there are teachers, principals, or anyone else! The answer obviously lies with the allies.
I think I will leave some of this to discuss in my next blog post... my wheels are definitely turning ☺
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Whinning vs Winning
It has been close to a year since my last post. So much for consistency. I was sincere when I stated that I wanted to be a better blogger- or whatever it was that I said that meant that I wanted to post more regularly. Today has been a long day, that start of what I am sure will be a very long week. The SAY PSA is being taped Thursday. That, no doubt, will be highlight. I am currently a bit overwhelmed by life. I have so much to do- yet really no more than anyone else- why am I so overwhelmed??? I just need to quit whining and be more like Charlie Sheen. Yes, that's it. I need the "Charlie Sheen" drug so that I too can be winning. No, that won't work, the last thing I need is "goddesses" in my way. AND, I'm pretty sure I don't have tiger blood. Now, a plan B. Maybe plan B could be quit whining and get back to work. What I really need is a schedule. I have attempted them before. If I follow through my schedule idea you will know. I will put blogging on my schedule.
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